Last night we told the all of our kids about the plan.
Ty knew something was up because he had heard his father and I discussing things, pretty much in the open, for the past couple of days. We explained that we were going to keep him out of school for the next few days. Our intent was so that he would not have to continue to face the negativity and criticism from the teacher that initiated the major meltdown in the first place. We also explained what the online school program was going to look like and WHY we thought it would work for him.
We started out by discussing a schedule.
Mom: “So, you are still going to have an 8 o’clock bedtime. There is no staying up late to play xbox all night or other crap. This isn’t a REWARD for you. This is an ALTERNATIVE because what you have now is NOT working for you. Do you understand that?”
Ty: “I get it.”
Mom: “But here is the deal. When your sisters are getting up at 6:30, if you are still a bit tired, it will be OK to sleep a bit longer. There isn’t going to be a huge rush to get dressed and get out the door by 7:25.”
(As an aside: Ty is the WORST at getting ready in the morning. Typically, it takes 4-10 times of me reminding him to take his medication before it actually happens. Then, even with encouragement, polite and otherwise, the entire process of eating breakfast, getting dressed in CLEAN CLOTHES, getting teeth and hair brushed, FINDING clean socks, getting shoes ON the feet and tied, having his backpack and homework together and GETTING OUT THE DOOR ON TIME, is a struggle. EVERY MORNING.! It doesn’t matter if you set out clothes the night before, pack lunches the night before, organize the entire backpack as a team the night before. EVERY MORNING IS A STRUGGLE that usually ends in a fight. And after all that chaos, we send him to school feeling like he has already been through a cyclone of disaster.)
Ty: “I don’t have to wear my uniform anymore, do I?”
Mom: “No dude, you can hang out in sweat pants if you want, but I still want you in CLEAN clothes! OK?”
Ty: *laughs* “Yes, Mom.”
Mom: “So here is what I’m thinking as a morning routine. Wake up sometime between 6:30 and 7:30. I can’t have you sleeping until 10 or anything. What is the FIRST thing you are supposed to do when you wake up? Every morning?”
Ty: *sighs* “Take my pill.”
Mom: “Right. Take your pill. Then eat breakfast. And then put some clean clothes on.”
Ty: “How is this different from a regular morning?”
Mom: “You don’t have a RUSH to be somewhere. That should relieve some of the pressure. However, I need you to still be READY to start between 7:30 and 8am.”
Ty: “OK, that sounds fair.”
Mom: “We haven’t received the curriculum from the school yet, so I don’t know what TYPES of things they are going to be requiring you to do, but the FIRST school related thing I want you to do every day is PE. After you’ve taken your pill and you’ve eaten and gotten dressed, I want you to be active for 35-40 minutes.”
Ty: “What do you expect me to do? Like… Run up and down the stairs or something? Do pushups? What?”
Mom: “Well, you CAN do those things if you want. But I was thinking something, a bit different. *pause* Can you guess what I’m thinking about?”
Ty: “No, not really.”
Mom: “We have a Kinect for the Xbox. How about you play the Kinect Adventures game? Running, jumping, etc.. that could be fun! Or the Kinect Sports. Do the track meet stuff. Or Bowl. Or play soccer.”
Then, I saw my son’s eyes light up! He was stoked.
Mom: “You think you could exercise doing those things for 35-45 minutes a day? First thing in the morning? I think it will help burn off some of that extra energy you have, allow your pill to kick in, and get you focused for the rest of the day.”
Ty: “That sounds like a plan!”
Mom: “OK. So that puts us around 8:45 or so. After you exercise, be sure to drink some water and go to the bathroom. Between 8:45 and 9, you will need to get started on your first academic assignment. I don’t have the stuff yet, so I don’t know what it will be. Maybe we will start with math. Maybe science. Maybe spelling, or writing, or social studies or Spanish, or reading. I don’t know yet. But you will need to spend AT LEAST 15-30 minutes doing EACH topic a day.
We will get a schedule set up. We will get you a binder with tabs to keep you organized. Maybe we will be able to tear the pages out of the workbooks and put them in you binder so you know what you need to get done each day. You can put stuff aside that you get stuck on. It can wait until Daddy or I can help you with it.
If you get frustrated trying to do something, you can move on to another topic. Or get up, walk away, get a drink, exercise some more, listen to music, or SOMETHING for 5-10 minutes. Reset your brain and try again. Hell, if you’ve been working for a couple of hours, and think you need some rest, take a nap for an hour. These are all things you WERE NOT allowed to do in the classroom. Doing these things to give yourself a reset was what was getting you in trouble at school before. Now you are allowed to.
Here’s what you are NOT allowed to do though. Do NOT take so many breaks you don’t get anything done. Don’t decide to watch TV for “10 minutes” and end up watching it for 3 hours instead. Don’t tell me you WON’T do something. Don’t tell me you CAN’T do something. Don’t fight with me when I’m trying to teach you.
OK.. now, I want you to make a list of Pro’s and Con’s about what we’ve talked about here.”
Ty: “What are pro’s and con’s?”
Mom: “Good things and bad things. Start with the Pro’s, the good things, first.”
Ty: “For a Pro, I think that the best thing is going to be that I won’t get getting yelled at, or getting in trouble so much. That is going to be the best thing.”
Mom: “Well, do you think that your dad and I won’t discipline you if you screw up?”
Ty: “Of course you will. But still, it’s not like the teacher yelling at me in front of everyone.”
Mom: *wink* “Remember, we can discipline you in ways that a TEACHER in school can not. OK. What else will be a good thing?”
Ty: “Well, they are testing me to see where I’m at. If I don’t understand something that was important from last year, I can try to learn it again. And if I know something already, I can test past it. I think that is pretty cool too. And I’m hoping I can do art and Spanish every day. Right now in school I only get art once a week. OH, and you are going to make me do PE every day too. I think that will help a lot. Can we start trying that out tomorrow?”
Mom: “Sure. OK.. now tell me what the bad things, or the con’s, will be.”
Ty: “The biggest thing is going to be that I won’t get to play with my friends as much.”
Mom: “I know you really like hanging out with your friends, buddy. I’m sorry if that is going to make you a little bit sad. But, you know, if you are done with all your work by the time your sisters get home from school, you can go out and ride your skateboard or your bike just like you do when you get home from school now. We aren’t going to lock you in the house all day. You just need to focus on getting the work done by 2:30. And honestly, if your “friends” aren’t distracting you in class, you might move through the work faster, and be done BEFORE 2:30… right? Can you think of anything else that might be bad?”
Ty: “Not really.”
Mom: “I’m going to tell you what I’m afraid of. Is that ok?”
Ty: *nods*
Mom: “I’m afraid that you are going to think this is cool for a while. Then, you are going to stop wanting to do the work. Or WON’T do it, unless your father or I are sitting right next to you. And, the problem with that is, daddy needs to sleep during the day for the first few hours you are doing your school work, because he works at night. I teach my own students all day, and won’t be home until 3pm. If you stop working on your own, and wait until I get home to do your school work, then we are going to be doing school work from 3pm until 9pm. And that just might kill me. I really need you to try and be responsible with this. We will HELP you through, but I can’t do the work for you. I’ve already been through the 4th grade. You need to learn how to do this stuff. Do you understand?”
Ty: “ I get it mommy. I understand. You are trying to give me a chance to do great things. And I need to DO THEM.”
I smiled, and shipped him off to bed at 8pm like every other night. Then my husband and I sat in the silence, totally terrified. We can’t help but second guess ourselves and wonder if we are making the right decision. If this doesn’t work, we have no idea where we can go from here.
…
Thursday morning he woke up, took his pill and asked: “Can I do the PE thing this morning? I know I don’t have the regular school work stuff yet, but I want to start by doing this.”
*smile*
Sure baby, do your thing.
Yay! :D
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